Does it make me a bad mommy, that I love to go to work?

Does it make me a bad mommy, that some nights, I can't wait for Bear's bedtime?

Does it make me a bad mommy, that some mornings that I have off, I pretend to not hear Bear when he wakes, so Mister Man has to get up?

Does it make me a bad mommy, that some nights, I wake Bear up because I miss him?

I am having that perpetual Mommy guilt. I love my kid. I love him to pieces. I still get choked sometimes when I think about him, or sometimes when I look at him. At how fast he is growing. At how fast things are changing. At how sometimes I just want some alone time.

I work 5 days a week, about 40-45 hours. Leaving the house before he gets up, and sometimes timing it that I get home right as he is going down for his afternoon nap, so I can have an hour or two to myself. Is that bad?

I don't know how Stay At Home Moms (SAHM's) do it. I don't. I am off two days a week. And I have total baby duty on those days. (I said 'duty' HA!) I love it most times. We eat breakfast together at my restaurant every Wednesday, we go to the park. We hug, we kiss, we read, we play, we swim, we laugh, we talk, we bond. Thursdays, we clean, and play and do all those things over again, minus the restaurant. Thursday night, I can't wait to go back to work. This makes me feel that guilt. I should want to stay at home. Raise my Bear. Be with him 24 hours a day. But I don't. I like leaving. I like coming home. I like spending the quality of time that we spend together.

And even though I work all those hours, and only have limited hours to spend with Bear, sometimes I feel so stretched thin, that I just want to be alone. Does this make any sense?

I'm sure this is just emotions talking. I know I am a good mama. My kid is smart, happy, growing, and thriving. He is loved, cherished, and wanted. This is my issue. And hopefully in the morning all this guilt I hold will be gone. Until next Thursday.